Category: Joke Board
1. Don't let worry kill you- let the church help.
2. Thursday night- potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery upstairs.
5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7. Tuesday at 4:00 p. m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
8. Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put me in my little bed " accompanied by the pastor.
9. Thursday at 5:00 p. m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.
10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.
11. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water. " One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
15. At the evening service tonight the sermon topic will be "What is hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice."
oh lol well done!
Thanks. I think many of these are from Richard Lederer's Anguished English which is available on bookshare.
This one has been circulating since the 90's, but it's still pretty amusing.
Yeah, I've definitely seen it before. But it is great.
Another one I remember, was something like this:
This Sunday morning's sermon is titled "Jesus Walks On Water."
At the evening service, the sermon is titled:
"Searching For Jesus".
I just love these!
Blessings,
Sarah
Those are good ones.
Now this one is for real, and I swear to you that yours truly being a
troublemaker that I am did not cause this:
One year at a church I went to with the Wife, I got drafted to help with the
kiddies' program, part of the band. We're backstage waiting and someone
comes up and tells me this entry in the program while they were going to pass
the plate, "And Leo will be playing "Who's Child Is This" on the keyboards."
The women in charge of that program were not amused, less so when they
found us band members cutting up in the backstage area doing faux rap
imitations about whose child is this, who's the baby daddy.
such drama in the church! lol.
Hahahaha, Leo. That's great!
lol. Thanks for the laugh. I didn't see this one before. :)
I haven't seen it before, but I understand there are some amusing signs that are actually in the South.
Lol hilarious! :)
I love the play on grammar and over all wordage!
Haha!! So funny!! OmGosh..how'd they miss some of these lol!! I heard of a church sign that said, "honk if you love Jesus; text and drive if you want to meet him!" lol!
Hahaha, these are great!
Oh man. Some of these got a snort. And I usually don't snort with laughter unless surprised into it. Well done.
What would be really funny is seeing the reactions of the people who wrote the anouncements after they realized what they'd done. Yet another great example of how easy misunderstandings happen.
lol